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Monthly the Television: Monthly Arashi vol. 175 (Sho and Aiba)



I came across the Monthly Arashi column vol. 175 from Monthly the Television with Sho and Aiba, and couldn't resist translating it. I did it kind of quickly and more liberally than usual, so please let me know if I've made any mistakes! In this column, Sho and Aiba get taught about etiquette and wearing kimonos, and they talk about gift giving. They also laugh a lot.

Scans
https://twitter.com/BakaDiscoStar/status/1056730526923386880

Monthly the Television: Monthly Arashi vol. 175

Theme: Kimono

Sho: Well, today was enlightening, wasn't it?
Aiba: For sure! There were the finer points of etiquette. Today we were taught all about things that an adult should know.
Sho: Today was full of moments where Iwashita (Hisafumi)-san taught us and I went, "I see!" I learnt about the significance behind etiquette. The more I know about the significance, the more deeply it's engrained in my mind. Such as how to hand over gifts, being taught that is very useful.
Aiba: It really is. It's pretty rare that we get to wear a kimono, but giving gifts is something more common.
Sho: Yep! I'll have even more occasions to give gifts as I get older.
Aiba: Yeah. We'd better use it so that we don't forget how. I'm glad we got to meet a great teacher on "Monthly Arashi" (laughs).
Sho: Not only did we learn a lot, we also had a great teacher, didn't we?
Aiba: Being able to meet Iwashita-san through our monthly column was great. When he appeared in a kimono while wearing a hat, I instantly thought, "He looks cool! It's hard to pull off that trendy look.
Sho: Wearing a kimono and also making it look good is considerably difficult.
Aiba: It made me think that's what looking classy means.
Sho: You looked good in a kimono. You were even able to quickly get dressed.
Aiba: Really?
Sho: You finished getting dressed quickly! You're good at it.
Aiba: I wonder if I am (laughs)? I just did it as I was taught by the teacher who showed me how to wear it.
Sho: I was next to you and you tied your sash in the blink of an eye.
Aiba: Really? Could it be that I'm suited to kimonos (laughs)? Ages ago, me and Matsu Jun had a tea ceremony for this column.
Sho: Ahhhh.
Aiba: It was awful (laughs). You know the cloth for cleaning tea utensils? There's a very specific way to hold that piece of cloth, and I had no idea what was what, it was really tough. It's been a while since then, maybe I've grown a bit (laughs). If so, then I'm happy.
Sho: You've become a man (laughs).
Aiba: I did it! I became an adult!! But you were praised about various things. They said, "Genius!"
Sho: No, no (laughs).
Aiba: You looked cool wearing a kimono.
Sho: Thanks to my naturally sloping shoulders, which suit kimonos (laughs). They gave me an extra 15 points when I had finished dressing. My shoulders are worth 15 points (laughs). But you know my other natural thing?
Aiba: What's that again?
Sho: My body is stiff, and I'm not good at sitting on my legs or bowing (laughs).
Aiba: Oh yeah, hahahaha (laughs).
Sho: My body was stiff and my head was held high (laughs).
Aiba: It's kind of nice (laughs). Your head naturally being held high is kind of cool (laughs).
Sho: No it's not (laughs)! When I greet people I need my body to be flexible (laughs).

Questions from learning etiquette

Aiba: Going back to the talk about gifts (laughs). Today the setting for practising visiting people's houses and giving gifts was in their living room, right? But for us we probably tend to be standing outside when we give gifts.
Sho: Yeah. Such as when giving gifts to people in their dressing rooms, or sending presents to encourage people.
Aiba: Exactly. What should I do in that kind of situation? If I give it somewhere outside, a gift bag is necessary even though they'll take it home (laughs).
Sho: That's true.
Aiba: I forgot to ask Iwashita-san about this!
Sho: Those are the kind of things you should be asking!
Aiba: It's cause we did lots of stuff when we had the photoshoot (laughs). Maybe I should take it out from the gift bag, hand it over, and ask them if they'd like the gift bag?
Sho: That's a kind thing to do.
Aiba: At the end, the teacher who taught us how to wear kimonos said that if I put it on by myself, it'll help me remember how to wear it… but I don't own any kimonos. Where are they even sold!?
Sho: Over there (laughs).
Aiba: It's not like if I go over there they'll just happen to have kimonos for sale (laughs).
Sho: I've never been shopping for one (laughs).
Aiba: I guess department stores would have them?
Sho: Probably (laughs).
Aiba: I feel like I just need to have one kimono (laughs). But I guess I probably won't get to wear it much (laughs).
Sho: We don't really have occasions yet where we can wear a kimono (laughs).
Aiba: Does that mean we're still not adults? (laughs)
Sho: Our history of wearing Western clothes is too long anyway (laughs).
Aiba: If I was on a party boat or something like that, I'd rather wear casual clothes (laughs).
Sho: Today's knowledge will probably be best used when we wear kimonos for work, I guess?
Aiba: And when we do I'll make sure I don't mess up using the folding fan! (laughs) I'll fasten my sash so it looks sophisticated (laughs).
Sho: And I won't hold my head up high (laughs). I'll start doing stretches so that I can properly greet people (laughs).

Aiba-kun the adult. Sakurai-kun the adult

Sho: You're already an adult.
Aiba: Huh?
Sho: You give presents at those traditional times, in the middle of the year and at the end of the year, and for the seasons.
Aiba: Oh, that (laughs).
Sho: Has it been two or three years since you started doing that?
Aiba: Yeah… I think.
Sho: I always get delicious food from you! You've given me some nice noodles.
Aiba: It's no big deal. I have fun choosing things which suit the season. In my own life I do things like eating eel on the Day of the Ox, and eating seven herb rice porridge after January.
Sho: Sounds nice! So sophisticated.
Aiba: Seasonal food is delicious, after all, and finding delicious food makes me want to give it as a present.
Sho: That's what being an adult is about.
Aiba: I don't do it because I'm an adult and I have to; I enjoy it! I reckon it's good to learn about seasonal gifts. It looks like there are things which I must not give (laughs).
Sho: Oh, that also comes under etiquette!
Aiba: But you also give me gifts. That makes you an adult.
Sho: I do that because it's fun; I like it (laughs).
Aiba: You know when we have a meal together and on the way home you give me a present? That's fantastic (laughs).
Sho: Maybe getting older makes me want to give gifts.
Aiba: That's it! (laughs)
(both laugh)
Sho: I just feel like going, "This restaurant's food is delicious, so eat this!"
Aiba: I know what you mean. I also feel the same way!
-----
Notes

  • Seiza = folding your knees and sitting on your legs (images)

  • Party boat (wikipedia). I think there is a party boat in either Pikanchi 1 or 2

  • 差し入れ (sashiire) = giving food or drink to people who have worked hard, or to encourage them (source, in Japanese). Cast members often provide these refreshments for the whole cast and crew

  • In Japan it's traditional to give gifts on the 15th day of the 7th lunar month (wikipedia), and at the end of the year (wikipedia).

  • Seven herb rice porridge is traditionally eaten on January 7th (wikipedia)

Tags: aiba masaki, arashi, sakurai sho, translations
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